So there are a few things going on in the background at the moment between University applications to boost my skill set in a different but related direction on the one hand, building the business and perhaps increasing focus on something a little more special on the other… but just now there is one change in my life.
I have applied to join the RNLI.
This is a big shake up in many ways, I have worked alone for the last 18 years or so as both an engineer and as a photographer. I have always been used to my own company and I have always been self sufficient to the point of being incredibly stubborn about it. But there are aspects of working with people that I do miss, and I am aware that I have been pushing people away a fair bit lately as I get some degree of social anxiety and dress it up in different clothes to try and justify my avoidance of even my closest friends. Joining a team will act, to some extent, as a foil to this lonesome nature - I will have to interact with people and drop my agrophobia, and I will also be moving towards taking on a fairly responsible and managerial type of roll over time which, again, is going to be testing but… I think… beneficial to me.
The idea of joining the lifeboat service did grow out of a desire to “put something back” into the community, it isn’t really so much about me gaining something from it - but I see this as a massive bonus. I do think that I am a fairly selfless person by and large, although I think this can, at times, become too dominant a trait that I put everyone else above myself - if I was going to get hugely pschological about this I would say that I am probably going to extremes to punish myself for past mistakes or shortcomings of which there are many.
The tasks themselves are probably fairly straight forward. I have turned my hands to many things over the years and generally done okay or better at them. I have a modicum of intelligence I think, certainly enough to make decisions and take other factors into consideration as I do. The challenge is going to be to ask for help when I need it, to learn a new process and to apply rules appropriately rather than just winging it and hoping for the best.
I am quite excited about all this. Extremely nervous because… you know… people (and as someone whom has always felt that they belong on the fringes of groups this is amplified hundreds of times over), but excited for what this whole experience will do to me!
Anyway, on the photography front, I am working on some ideas. I think I may start to put more emphasis on the fine art side of things again - including workshops and tours - but also projects of my own with an aim to publication and exhibitions. I have several ideas of “themes” to pursue, some beautiful and some highlighting the difficulties that we face in the Highlands. I need to spend a little time once summer is done developing these themes further and perhaps looking to submit some concepts to some publishers along the way.
For now, and aerial shot of Drumnadrochit taken last night.
