So I have been fighting my demons for quite some time now, and boy… do I have a few. But the one that has been causing most consternation of late has been this… how do I mark this, the first year I have that my brother didn’t. How do I honour his memory… how do I make him proud (or his celestial being anyway)?
The answer, I thought, was to do the things that he did and try to become what he was so good at. But I don’t think that is right any more, and I don’t think that would actually overly impress him anyway. So no… this year I am going to do something for me that would make him say “now that was awesome”.
First up… I need to rebuild “me” because I am broken. Mentally and physically I am just done for. So, that is the main task, and that he would appreciate as Neil was a guru in Chinese medicine and alternative therapies. Fortunately for me fixing my body will also go a long way to fixing my mind, as again, his theory was that being in the natural places of this world was what the brain required to find it’s own balance… and I hate gyms… so outdoors it is.
So, the challenge then… well… fixing this body post-car-crash is not going to be a simple task to be fair. My spine is not in the best shape. So I am going to take it slow, starting now(ish) with a few short walks (and I do mean short as I think 1.5 miles is about as far as I have managed before the pain gets too much of late). Half an hour to begin then, and as that becomes a little more comfortable I can stretch it out. Of course… walks put me in great places, so expect some new photography content to emerge from this process.
My end goal then. I have 2 options, 2 targets for this year. The first is Stac Pollidh, I was there this week and remembered it has been on my “to do” list from the early days of my mountaineering. It isn’t a hard walk - well… avoiding the main peak that is. So I want to complete the more “basic” version over this year. Should I achieve this before the end of September then I can go for the “stretch” goal, to climb Ben Wyvis. Our closest Munro and it would be the first one I have done in a very long time, it is also something that a few days ago I had written off as no longer within my capabilities.
But now it is.
Well… now it isn’t… but I am determined that this would be a worthy goal and proof to myself that I can turn this around and I can rediscover myself.
Hopefully I will document all this challenge on YouTube, through photography and blogging and if I make it to the peak of Ben Wyvis no doubt I will have a grand plan for my 50th lap of the sun that will follow.
I know I have more to give this world, I just need to rediscover “me”, my drive and unleash my creativity. I just need to start.
And I am starting now.
